December 16, 2008

Oh Goody

You wanna know what’s awesome? Waking up with a raging case of PMS when it’s 29 degrees outside. THAT’S awesome. I should know. Right on the heels of the Mouse Flu, too. Beautiful.

However, what else is awesome is going to work with the above afflictions on December Birthday Goody Day – which I was shamed into participating in by The Lady of Many Falls (seriously, a different ponytail everyday), who showed up in my office with the sign-up sheet yesterday, gently reminding (berating) me that I missed (dodged) the November Goody Day and that it’s really fun (wrong) and everyone participates (lie) and couldn’t I bring some "finger food" OR pitch in $5? OK, but only because I happen to have some frozen shit left over from my ornament exchange that I can whip up in 20 minutes. So suck on that, Peggy Sue.

SO I whipped up the frozen shit, took it in this morning, in the FREEZING cold, with the cramps and the almost-barfs and the beginnings of a migraine, and here’s how my day started, with tongues wagging on all sides of me:

7:45-8:30 am – Did you bring that for Goody Day? What’d ya bring for Goody Day? Did you see what she brought for Goody Day? She brought this (frozen shit) for Goody Day, and it looks wonderful! I can’t wait for Goody Day! I wish it was my birthday month so I could line up first for Goody Day, because everyone knows that the BEST stuff on Goody Day goes first, but you have to wait until your birthday month to line up first, so then YOU get the best stuff on Goody Day! Is it 9:30 yet? Because Goody Day starts at 9:30. Who else brought something for Goody Day?

8:45-9:15 am – They’re setting up for Goody Day, y’all! They got them snowman plates that’s so cute, and the food looks DE-licious! I sure hope (some random women) brings that (nasty casserole involving tater tots) that she brought for October Goody Day because I missed that since my birthday is in June, and I was on the phone when the line started forming, so by the time I got to Goody Day, that (nasty casserole) was gone, y’all, and all I heard about the rest of the day was how good it was. I was so excited for the November Goody Day, but (random woman) was out of town, so we didn’t have (nasty casserole), but I heard that she’s making it for December Goody Day. I’m going to go help them finish setting up for Goody Day so I can get in line right behind the December birthdays. I love Goody Day!

9:21 am – Is it 9:30 yet?
9:22 am – Is it 9:30 yet?
9:27 am – Is it 9:30 yet?

9:29:57 am – Y’ALL! The food’s out! Line up behind the December birthdays!

9:42 am – They(?) just called from over there and said the line’s down, so you better hurry up and get over to Goody Day. And see if they got anymore of them Lil’ Smokies – could you bring me some if they do? I didn’t want ‘em mixed in with my Bacon-wrapped Asparagus, covered with Tamale Queso. This is the BEST Goody Day ever!

Holy HELL, I wish I was kidding. If I heard one more grown ass person say "Goody Day," I really might have gone postal. Or finally barfed. All over their GD Goodies.


Jaye Joseph said...

Holy CRAP this made me laugh so hard. I can just picture this whole thing. It makes me laugh, but it also kind of makes me sad. But mostly, it makes me laugh.

LawMommy said...


I really don't know what to say.


You sure you wouldn't rather go down to the courthouse during a cattle call and beg for some criminal defense appointments?

I have to go into our copy room/kitchen now and get some chocolate covered potato chips that one of our client sent for Christmas....but at least there's no line.

Sinda said...

Your other post about how you lock yourself in your office was one thing, but this...this is horrible! It's straight out of Dante!

Keep shutting that door - eventually, they won't want to share their nasty goodies with you anymore and will stop bugging you.


deptmeeting said...

Sounds like Goody Day Deliverance to me! You, my dear, are fucking awesome! Are you sure we don't work for the same gubment agency and just haven't bumped into each other yet? It scares me to think that there's more of them in other buildings around town. I thought it was just my cross to bear. Jesus Christ on a bread stick. Hang in there. xo

deptmeeting said...

So did you notice my awesome grammatical usage in my post..."there's more of them in other buildings..." Really? There IS more of them? I'm no better than any of them.