October 31, 2007

We Can Do It

At least that's what I keep telling myself as I look ahead to the second half of this most busy week. Lots and lots of driving. I realize things crank up during "the holidays," but is Halloween now considered the start of all that insanity? And poor Thanksgiving. What happened to Thanksgiving? The stores have been putting out Christmas stuff next to the Halloween stuff for weeks, leaving a little room for some headless pilgrims and sad looking gourds left over from last year. I'm not a big scarecrow fan, and since we don't actually have "fall" around here, I never really decorate for Thanksgiving, so whatever. But today? I actually half-considered buying a new Christmas tree. I'm such a sheep. Like I have TIME to obsess about the tree already. Por ejemplo:
  • Monday - I got Olive's birthday picture made at the mall. Will I ever learn? Later, it was wear-your-Halloween-costume-to-dance-class for both of them, so poor Olive was changing in the car all day.
  • Tuesday - I helped with Olive's Halloween party at school, to which I took delicious pumpkin chocolate chip muffins I made my owndamnself. Yeah, you read that right.
  • Wednesday - Why, that's today! Happy Halloween, y'all! We started the morning with Ghosts of the Past at Peach's school. Each kid comes dressed as a notable figure in history, and they do a short presentation about that person for the whole school. Peach decided she wanted to be Rosie the Riveter, and we managed to find a real woman who was closely identified with the character because: a) she appeared in war bond promo films; b) she was a real riveter; and c) yep, her name was Rose. Anyway, Peach looked adorable, and she did very well with her presentation. Tonight, Karla May and the Geej will be here for tricks, treats, and pizza.
  • Thursday - Olive is doing a little thing for chapel at school, so I'll be there with cameras at the ready. Plus, it's T-Bone's birthday! And my SIL's birthday! The one who's due any minute with her second girl, who we're hoping is born tomorrow so everybody in their family will have birthdays on the first of the month! Because we think about things like that! I'm going to encourage lots of Halloween sex to get the ball rolling, but something tells me, she may not be up for it.
  • Friday - Nothing in particular on the schedule yet, just Baby Watch '07 and probably some yard work.
  • Saturday - Peach has Nutcracker rehearsal, and this week, we're in charge of cleaning up the dressing room afterwards. Joy.
  • Sunday - I'll be writing yet another Nutcracker-related check for pictures, which are supposed to take about THREE HOURS, what with all the group and individual combinations. Kinda like at your wedding. And we all know how fun that is.

That's all I've got for now. Except for this - at the gas station and at Whataburger today (I had to get my taquito on), I saw signs that asked people to remove their masks. This is a problem that warrants professionally printed signs? The Whataburger one kinda freaked me out because it was worded just like this:

For the Safety ... of our customers and our team members

Please remove ... your Halloween mask at this time

I'm so glad they clarified what we're supposed to remove because that poorly placed ellipsis had me thinking of all kinds of possibilities.

The gas station was pretty straightforward:

No MASKS in the store at any time. NO exceptions.

So, superheroes, Haz-Mat guys, astronauts - stay the hell out of the Shell station on Barton Springs.

Have fun tonight!

October 27, 2007

Mixed Bag of Tricks and Treats

  • T-Bone went to Curriculum Instruction Night at GGMS on Tuesday so he could see how they're teaching our second grader ALGEBRA.
  • Olive's teacher reported that during "free coloring time" on Thursday, while all the other kids were coloring pumpkins, bats, and ghosts, Olive decided to draw and color the Great Wall of China.
  • T-Bone and I heartily enjoyed the big-time fundraiser (mostly the open bar) at Olive's school on Thursday night. We love to watch The Haves and The Have Mores go at it during the live auction, but sadly, T-Bone's dream of a trip to an exotic game ranch will have to wait another year. And the dinner party for 8 prepared by a Hollywood chef I was hoping to snag for our anniversary party slipped right through my fingers. I guess 20 bucks just doesn't go as far as it used to ...
  • You do know I'm kidding, right?
  • Coming back to reality, the best part of the night was when we stopped by one of my all-time favorite joints, and split a tall, cold pitcher while listening to the awesome jukebox. Seriously, where else can you hear "Let's Pretend We're Married," "Stranglehold," and "A Taste of Honey" all in one sitting? Nowhere, my friend. Nowhere.
  • Yesterday was the final day of my housecleaning bender. I always get so inspired to talk to you people while I'm cleaning, but do you really want to know about my love for vacuuming or my tricks for getting the schmutz off the top of the microwave? I'll just say that, short of moving the icebox and the stove, I touched every single inch of this place, and I'm spent. Something about the cold snap got me all giddy, I guess.
  • Today is GGMS's Halloween Festival, and although Peach and Olive decided long ago to be a 50s girl and a cowgirl for Halloween, today's event seems to require a different costume (a girl can't wear the same thing twice, right?), so it looks like we're taking a princess and a bat with us.
  • Finally, I want to send out a big wag-of-the-finger and a hearty, "F*** You" (there are children present) to the Four A-Hole Moms who were letting their heathens terrorize every kid on the restaurant playground last night as they drank, chatted, and took pictures of each other. The much older hooligans were climbing on the outside of the equipment that was straining to hold them up, flinging each other around and into other people, including adults, and literally mowing over anyone in their path of destruction. Twice I said in my best camp counselor voice, "Slow down" and "Get off," but of course, they were too possessed to hear or care. When I finally figured out who they belonged to, my Laser Stare of Death was powerless against those bitches, and we were called to our table shortly after. So, way to go A-Holes! You won!

October 23, 2007

I Need Your Help

Right now, T-Bone, the love of my life, is downstairs watching Cavemen, and, y'all, he's laughing. Out loud. Holy shit. Seriously, how did this happen? A 30 second commercial with those guys is one thing, but an entire show?! Which he insists on recording because God forbid he miss an episode?! I watched the first one with him just to be, you know, supportive, and it was just as stupid as I thought it would be, so I told him that if he was going to keep watching that shit, I didn't want to know anything about it unless he was telling me that it was cancelled. So here I sit, contemplating legal action against those sumbitches at GEICO for ruining my marriage and poisoning my hub's heretofore brilliant sense of humor.

Also? I've got to get the house clean for my mom on Thursday and my in-laws this weekend, so if you could just start with the kitchen and the bathrooms, that would be grrrrreat. Thanks!

October 16, 2007

Peach For President

Overheard from the backseat as we passed yet another lot cleared and ready for commercial construction on the former "country" backroad to our neighborhood:

If I'm ever President, we're going to have five years of no building, just planting trees and flowers. And no one can eat any meat either. It's going to be the healthiest five years in the history of The United States.

Sounds like a plan.

October 15, 2007

Monday Monday

So I made it through The Nutcracker fundraiser this weekend with my balls intact. There were a few tense moments, like when somebody snuck in a final bid right after the silent auction closed (for shame!), and the powers-that-be had to confer and decide whether or not to let the cheatercheaterpunkineater have the GAWDawful western-themed tabletop Christmas tree she seemed so willing to go straight to hell for. I voted to let her take the piece of shit because: 1) then I wouldn't have to look at it anymore; and 2) we get five more bucks for it. So, win/win, right? Word. Now I think I can coast until we start dress rehearsals, which I'm sure will be a barrel of fun, and then more volunteering backstage during the production run, which I am actually really looking forward to, being an old dancin' machine and thespian meself. Plus, I'm a Leo.

But here's what I'm really thinking about today: quintuplets. I read an article about this family in a local mag, and God love the nine of them, I freaked when I saw that the two older children are the exact same age as Peach and Olive. So it would be like me walking in with FIVE newborns, right friggin' now. FIVE. All at once. I had a hard enough time deciding whether or not I could tear myself away from Peach long enough to have a second baby, and once I decided expanding our little family was something we were doing FOR her and not TO her, I was lucky enough to get pregnant with Olive right away, and the rest is blissfully happy history. But tending to F-I-V-E babies? Plus the older two? I guess you just do what you've gotta do, and this couple seems to be handling it well so far, but dang. Five. I will say though that I am totally jealous of the mama's amazing color-coordinated organization system - assigned colors for each tot's clothes, bedding, and feeding and diaper charts. Sweet.

Now, here's the Good News/Bad News for today. Good News: They just opened a Super Target down the street from my house. Bad News: They ju$t opened a $uper Target down the $treet from my hou$e. $hit.

October 12, 2007

That's What She Said

Lookee what I got from The Dollar Stop at Target today:

I love that show. And Target. They had a bunch of stuff, but I had to get something Dwight for T-Bone (it says, "Tasks, Time Wasters, Excuses, Complaints") and something Jim for me, so there you go. And you better hurry up and getcha some for your ownself before it's too late. I'm talking to you, Mrs. Squirrel.

Also, I had the pleasure of driving behind a lovely young lass in a jacked-up Ford pickup as she was tearing ass down the road. She had North Carolina plates, a Rebel Flag sticker that said, "It's a Southern THANG," Rebel Flag visor covers, and Rebel Flag fuzzy dice(?!) hanging from the mirror. She also had a Ford sticker that said, "Foot On the Gas and Kicking Ass." Oh, and somebody keyed the shit out of the side of the bed, so that was a nice touch. And don't worry, I told your sister you said, "Hey."

October 10, 2007

I Can't Imagine WHERE She Gets It

I took Olive to the doctor today for her 4 year old well check, and when asked what her favorite food was, she said, "Sandwiches." Umm - what? She has a sandwich like once a week, maybe, so I'm not sure where that came from. Kinda like that time in college I ran into an old friend, and when she asked me what I had been up to, I said, "Oh - the usual. Ya know, school ... tennis. Wait. Did I just say tennis? Because I haven't played tennis in like 10 years." No idea where that came from.

We made it through the appointment completely unscathed until The Shots. Both of mine have always been champs when it comes to The Shots. We always discuss The Shots and why we have to get them and that, yes, they hurt for a second, but then it goes away, and everybody has to get shots, even Mommy, etc.. That has always eased the pain somewhat, as it did today, with just a minimum of whimpering (from both of us, ahem) after each of The (three) Shots. THEN, we got ready to check out, and Olive informed me that neither her freshly punctured legs nor her right arm were working. I had already said I would carry her to the car because, really, pumping that stuff into tiny little bodies does hurt, but when I went to pick her up, she went completely stiff and took the shape of either a 37 lb. starfish or this, minus the penguin and the umbrella. So that was fun, especially getting her in the booster seat. And I'm so paranoid that the more she said her arm and legs didn't work, the more I started to think, "Wait. Maybe they really DON'T work! Oh my God! Should I try to suck the vaccine out like a snake bite?!" Really, THAT paranoid.

Anywho, by the time we got home, her legs were miraculously functioning again, but her arm was pretty sore - mostly because she had been holding it straight out in front of her for the better part of 30 minutes. Even still, it's amazing what a little liedown on the couch, with your favorite blanket and Toy Story 2, can do. So, hysterical paralysis crisis over.

Now for the Good News/Bad News portion of this post. Good News: Wayne "The Pain(ful to look at)" Newton got voted off DWTS last night. Yeah, I watch it. Bad News: Mark "The Boob(an)" Cuban is still hanging on, which means I have to fast forward every time his fugly mug is onscreen. I hate that mofo. Go Spurs Go!

October 8, 2007


Sorry - my hands are numb. I've spent the last two hours cutting out 46 pumpkins, 46 ghosts, and 46 cats for Peach's class sewing project. Pretty sure I've suffered permanent damage, but won't the classroom look cute?

Speaking of, we had Olive's cowgirl party yesterday at - wait for it - The Little Buckaroo Ranch, and it was a huge success. There were miniature horses to groom, ponies to ride, and every kind of barnyard animal you can imagine, including, of course, Little Buckarooster. The Geej and Her Majesty joined us in all their cowgirl finery, and if I weren't in the Blogger Witness Protection Program, I'd post some precious pictures. That said, I can assure you no one came dressed like this:

Must go ice my knuckles.

October 5, 2007

Nutcracker, Indeed.

I swear, if I was a guy, this Nutcracker biz would be, literally, breaking my balls right about now. Every few days, I get another email, with LOTS of exclamation points and LOTS of ALL CAPS, reminding us all, yet again, that this is a non-profit company, and the success of this production depends on our efforts in fundraising, and so where is your GD ticket money for the silent auction, and why haven't you given us 20 names of those near and dear to you so we can hit them up for sponsorships, and if this all goes to hell in a handbasket, it will be YOUR fault, breaking the hearts of many little girls and ruining their ballet dreams forever. And for the record, I HAVE turned in my GD ticket money and contacted potential sponsors on my own and bought an ad for the program AND volunteered to help with the silent auction, so BACK OFF. Seriously, it's getting pretty hostile over there. Meanwhile, Peach is having the time of her life, and T-Bone and I have been taking turns making the long trek to the studio every weekend. So, it's all (mostly) good.

You know what else is good? I made flight reservations for our anniversary trip! Celebrating 10 years, y'all - amazing how time flies. I told T-Bone a long time ago that I thought he was either easily impressed or easily amused, and I still haven't figured out which it is. I'm just so looking forward to spending a few days with him in one of my favorite cities on the planet, which happens to be just a short plane ride away. Bonus points if you can guess where we're going ...

October 2, 2007

Happy Birthday Dear Olive

I have no idea how this happened, but my BABY turned 4 yesterday. I'm still trying to process it all, and when I asked her today if she felt 4 yet, she inspected her little freshly bathed body and said, "Well, my legs are longer, my feet are bigger, my tummy's bigger, and my brain is smarter, so yes, I think I feel it." When it's all over, we'll have been celebrating for a full week, including a family shindig/scavenger hunt this past Sunday, more presents and a cake on Monday, cupcakes at school today, and a proper cowgirl party this coming Sunday. I should weigh about 500 pounds in the end, but it will all be worth it since I've gotten some great shots of her in this:

So very Ya-Ya, no?

Also, here's something I learned this week after hearing Bye Bye Bye twice in two days: It's WAY easier to bust out all the moves from the video while shopping in Toys 'R Us than it is to try and break it down in the car. Now you know.