Attention Self-Important Beyotches With Brats in Olive's Dance Class

I am so over you and all of your bullshit. Specifically:

• To the mom in the permanent tennis outfit - I don't care who you saw "at the club" today or any day nor do I give a flying fig about how you have to keep getting your racket grip adjusted to keep your obnoxious wedding set from pinching your finger.
• To the mom with the Blackberry surgically attached to her hand - Thanks for always having some shoes or clothes or a purse on hold at Nordstrom's that you "simply must pick up this instant" so, like clockwork, I can be here to take your daughter to the potty about halfway through every class. What is it that you feed that child?
• To the mom with the standing mani/pedi appointment across the street, but who doesn't seem to mind her pisspoor dye job and hot mess of a haircut - Your daughter is ugly, and not just because she looks a lot like a young Tori Spelling. She is ugly because she pushes people and shakes her fist at them and talks back to the teacher and throws a GD screaming crying fit every GD time she doesn't get to be first or last or in the middle or has to do things like DANCE in dancing class.
• To the mom who complains every time her husband goes out of town for work because "two weeks is a long time alone with your children," even though you don't work and have sitters lined up around the clock - Shame on you. Just shame on you.
• And to every bloody one of you who are so GD busy with your self-important bullshit that you can't sit for 45 minutes a week, even ONCE the entire year, and watch your daughter dance but instead blow in for the last two minutes of class, just after your urchins have finally climbed down from the barres they've been scaling for half the class or finished rolling around on the floor, once again refusing to participate. It's always then that you breathlessly say, "Oh - aren't they cute?" just before you drag your brats off to yet another lesson or camp or workshop or whatever the hell because God forbid you should have to actually spend some time with your kids. Congratulations. They truly are a reflection of you. Good job.