I do enjoy me some Onion news, but these three videos from the Onion News Network really spoke to me this week.
After a particularly harrowing visit to the pediatrician with Olive this week, which included a surprise booster shot and the requisite fallout therefrom, I asked her later if she would promise to forget the whole horrible incident, and she whimpered, "Yes, Mommy. I forgive you." Broke. My. Heart. Until I saw this:
Next, y'all know I'm a huge drama geek, right? And you still tolerate me anyway, right? Well, this brilliant piece of "news" speaks to me on so many different levels, I can't even tell you:
And finally, I've spoken with you people before about some of the more disturbing food trends being thrust upon this already portly country of ours, so truly, this is only a matter of time:
June 21, 2008
June 17, 2008
The First 48
We've been home for nearly two days now, and so far, all I've done is four loads of laundry, had an MRI on my gimpy neck/shoulder, and had my face poked with a hot needle at the dermatologist (and yes, it did feel just as lovely as it sounds). Results on the MRI will be in next week, but I am just so glad to get it over with - I could have very easily talked myself into losing my shit when I was put in "the tube," but I just closed my eyes and thought happy, happy, shallow breathing thoughts. And sweated like a mofo. My annual skin check went well, although a mole on my leg that we've sliced up before is coming back, requiring the potato peeler routine next time, so I've got that to look forward to. We've gone to the grocery store and the credit union, and, I think, we've talked the cat back down off the ledge in her cray-zee mind (She hates it when we leave. Specifically, she hates it when T-Bone leaves.). I've gone through the mail, the emails, and the phone messages, and I've almost caught up on my blog reading. Finally, I tossed a couple of plants that have been reduced to ash as of late, and I've administered last rites to the front yard. Scorched earth, indeed.
Trip report to follow - now with celebrity sightings!
Trip report to follow - now with celebrity sightings!
June 5, 2008
We Out
Well, we're off to see the blizzard. For reals, they've been having snow advisories! I'm at that point where I've packed and planned and fretted so much that I'm like, tohellwithit, if we've forgotten anything, we'll buy it when we get there. In my defense, packing for temps from the 100s to the 20s is quite challenging, and I'm sure, as per usual, we'll have at least one occasion where Peach and Olive will be completely inappropriately dressed for the weather. Hence the plastic bag "snow shoes" we made last year to "waterproof" their tennis shoes. I'm still hearing about that one.
June 3, 2008
I'm Meeelllllting
Guess what? It's HOT outside. Like, my plants are literally smoking they are burning up so bad, especially the ones that get full-on west sun laser rays of death every afternoon. It's pitiful. I really think I might get some of these or maybe one of these.
Guess what else? Tomorrow is Peach's last day of school - half-day, actually. After the GGMS annual year-end drum circle/hootenanny, I'm taking her for a "lady lunch" at the restaurant of her choice (I'd bet on Italian), and then we're off to find her some new shoes because guess what else what else? My baby girl can pretty much wear a Ladies 7. So if Prince told her to act her age, not her shoe size? It would pretty much be the same thing. When did this happen?! I was still trying to digest the fact that when we last bought several pairs of shoes at once, she measured a Kids 3, which the salesperson told us was equal to a Ladies 5. Who wears that, BTW? Miniature ladies? Anywho, after noticing that both of her big toes were constantly red, I asked her if her shoes hurt and she said, "Well, kind of." And when I asked her which shoes hurt, she said, "Well, all of them, except maybe the flipflops. But my heels get scratched up when I wear those because they hang off the back." I am the worst mother on the planet.
Meanwhile, Olive is living it up in Sand and Stoneio with Mama Turista. This is her first her solo trip, and the only thing she was worried about was she could only stay four days instead of ten. They went shopping today, and when MT was having trouble finding some shirts for our trip to Colorado, Olive looked up from her dressing room duties of putting everything back on the hanger, lest anything should touch the floor or go unbuttoned or unzipped, and said, "MT. I think I know what the pwobwem is. It's those big cantaloupes you have there." Then she gave 'em a good squeeze for emphasis.
Two more days of The Packing and The Locking Down of the House and The Flooding of the Yard, and then we're off to the Land of Lows in the 20s and Highs in the 60s. With a touch of the Altitude Headaches, but who cares?!
Guess what else? Tomorrow is Peach's last day of school - half-day, actually. After the GGMS annual year-end drum circle/hootenanny, I'm taking her for a "lady lunch" at the restaurant of her choice (I'd bet on Italian), and then we're off to find her some new shoes because guess what else what else? My baby girl can pretty much wear a Ladies 7. So if Prince told her to act her age, not her shoe size? It would pretty much be the same thing. When did this happen?! I was still trying to digest the fact that when we last bought several pairs of shoes at once, she measured a Kids 3, which the salesperson told us was equal to a Ladies 5. Who wears that, BTW? Miniature ladies? Anywho, after noticing that both of her big toes were constantly red, I asked her if her shoes hurt and she said, "Well, kind of." And when I asked her which shoes hurt, she said, "Well, all of them, except maybe the flipflops. But my heels get scratched up when I wear those because they hang off the back." I am the worst mother on the planet.
Meanwhile, Olive is living it up in Sand and Stoneio with Mama Turista. This is her first her solo trip, and the only thing she was worried about was she could only stay four days instead of ten. They went shopping today, and when MT was having trouble finding some shirts for our trip to Colorado, Olive looked up from her dressing room duties of putting everything back on the hanger, lest anything should touch the floor or go unbuttoned or unzipped, and said, "MT. I think I know what the pwobwem is. It's those big cantaloupes you have there." Then she gave 'em a good squeeze for emphasis.
Two more days of The Packing and The Locking Down of the House and The Flooding of the Yard, and then we're off to the Land of Lows in the 20s and Highs in the 60s. With a touch of the Altitude Headaches, but who cares?!
June 1, 2008
No, I Don't Have a Crush on Jane Fonda
Pilfered from Badger and various other folks with Flickr accounts:
a. Type your answer to each of the questions below into Flickr Search.
b. Using only the first page, pick an image.
c. Copy and paste each of the URLs for the images into fd's mosaic maker.
The Questions:
1. What is your first name?
2. What is your favorite food?
3. What high school did you go to?
4. What is your favorite color?
5. Who is your celebrity crush?
6. What is your favorite drink?
7. What is your dream vacation?
8. What is your favorite dessert?
9. What you want to be when you grow up?
10. What do you love most in life?
11. What is one word that describes you?
12. What is your flickr name?
And P.S., I rearranged the pics for balance and OCD-related issues and to make it harder for you to match them with the questions. It's Day 2, what can I say?
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