Radio Killed The Legal Star

Now that I’m a commuter, I’ve been listening to the radio more than usual. For better or worse. I do have a CD player in the car, but it’s loaded up with kid music (the good kind), and I’m too lazy: a) to choose something from our vast music library (really, T-Bone has some kind of illness, y’all); and b) to go through the multiple (2) steps of actually putting it in the changer. I had an MP3 player T-Bone got me for my birthday a couple years ago, but that GD thing was so user-UNfriendly, like, downright user-hostile, that it just frustrated the crap out of me and I hardly ever used it. SO, I’m left with the radio.

Which is absolute shit.

Basically, you have your choice of about three formats, at least in the non-talk, non-country, non-alternative/co-op milieus. I don’t do NPR, and I still haven’t gotten over the fact that some Holy Rollers took over one of the TWO rock stations we used to have in this town, the alleged Live Music Capital of the World. Anyway, so three formats:

1. KrazeeJammin’OldSkoolZooTeamInTheMorning. Or some variation thereof. There are several of these stations, ranging from oldies (which, apparently now includes the 80s. Kill me.) to All-the-Hits-from-Today! (i.e., people I’ve never heard of and/or want to strangle). They basically all play crappy pop music and are always taking callers for some wacky trivia game or planning some Listener Beach Party Happy Hour. They also always have at least one raspy voiced "Hollywood Insider" gal, who is so full of misinformation and spray-tan fumes that I have the overwhelming urge to send her a subscription to Entertainment Weekly, wrapped around a lit stick of dynamite.
   
2. FratBoyBurnOutCockRock. Ugh. The worst part about this station is the morning show is all talk, just like the DJs, because I’ve seen these jackasses, and I shudder to think of the beasts they hooked up with if even 1/10th of their sexual exploit stories are true. Better yet, the afternoon show is pretty much some dude from Indiana or somewhere and a bunch of drunk guys calling in and cussing him out on the air. Yeah, it’s as stupid as it sounds. I did learn one thing the other day, though. It seems there is a restaurant along the Hooters line called Tilt the Kilt, so anybody looking to make some extra dough for the holidays …
   
3. CorporateSuccubus. There is one local station, which shall remain nameless, (KG*R), that is so firmly attached to the corporate teat that their playlist is about 25 songs long, and TWICE last week, the last song I heard when I got to work was the first song I heard when I left. They try to fool us with all these different "shows" throughout the day, but for the most part, I can name at least 3 artists they will play at nearly any given hour. I mean, I love Lyle Lovett, too, but damn! Come up for air already.

Like I said. Shit. Absolute.

BUT the bright side to this commuting biz is all the crazy stuff I see along the way. Like the W bumper sticker with a little TF? on it. And the one that said "Born Okay the First Time." And then there was the guy in nothing but his butt floss riding his bike AWAY from me down Lamar the other day, smiling his, well, his ass off. And no, it wasn’t Leslie. Finally, the Grand Prize Winner was the guy I saw literally hopping down the sidewalk yesterday with these giant pogo stick things attached to his feet, making him about 9 feet tall. Not counting the rabbit ears he was wearing.

Holy hell, I love this town.