September 14, 2008

Hi Ho Hi Ho

It's off to Hell I go. Tomorrow is my first day of work in over eight years. Well, not counting the four and a half years I worked from home for LawNerds. When I quit working to stay home with Peach, she was five months old. She'll be nine years old in December. That's how huge this is for me. For all of us. Granted, Peach and Olive are both happily ensconced in school everyday, but for the first time ever, I'm not going to be here when they get home. And I'm not going to be the one watching their dance classes or taking them to the dentist tomorrow, which just so happens to be the first appointment Olive's had since her procedure in July, so that should be fun.

I always planned on going back to work, and I've been trying to prepare myself for months. But the closer it got, the more things I wanted to make sure to get done before I didn't have the time, and the more I felt like I was preparing to not be here be here. Dramatic, I know, but I'm a Leo, so I'm wired that way. I'm just really sad that a most precious time in my life is over, even though I'm sure there are many more happy days to come, if not between 8 and 6, M-F. I'm so thankful I've had a front row seat to The Peach and Olive Show for this long, but I hate that it's all gone by so fast. And THEN, I have to go and turn 40, on top of jumping headfirst back into the World of Law, a place I didn't really enjoy all that much the last time I visited. What in the fuck am I thinking.

I would love to have a job that was creative and/or helped people and/or made a difference in the world. I would love to work part-time and interfere with my children's routines as little as possible. I would love to work with like-minded people, with families and lives that I could relate to. The Job I'm starting tomorrow is none of those things. Not ONE. The Job I'm starting tomorrow is Gubment Paper Pusher of the First Order, with an agency I interviewed with right out of law school and lost the job to a young upstart with the initials T. Bone. The agency is huge, my office is in a GD ratmaze of a building, and I am the youngest person in my section, by a lot. The Job is full time, balls out, no exceptions, and it is so UNcreative, I was told by my new boss that it borders on being mind-numbingly boring. The Job couldn't be any further from what I want my job to be.

Except that The Job does have a paycheck. A fairly nice paycheck, but not by private sector standards, I'm sure. The Job has great benefits and crazy, made-up holidays like Confederate Heroes Day and LBJ's birthday. And The Job is (hopefully) a springboard to the job I really want, which, when I figure out what that is, I'll let you know.

And for those of you wondering how Abuelita Turista weathered the storm, she's fine and now at my cousin's house, which miraculously has power. She lost some trees, as did both my aunts, who also have houses on the same property, but we are so thankful that the bayou 200 yards from her house didn't get the storm surge they were expecting. As hard-headed as she is, even she admitted that it was bad and unlike any other storm she had been through. And she knows from storms. Maybe, at 90, she's learned a lesson and will get the heck outta Dodge next time, but somehow, I doubt it.

Now I'm off for my nightly weep in the shower.

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