December 10, 2006

Tell Me When the Donkeys Are Gone

Rather than bore you with too many of my 546 pictures from Mouse World, I've chosen shots of the more odd and downright frightening folks and things we encountered on our trip. First up, Jolly Old Saint Nick:

Yow! There are several scary things going on here. A) The guy is clearly loaded. Note the bulbous red nose, dark circles and bags under the eyes, and the wild stare, as if he's about to say, "Who are YOU to drunk I'm say?! Now gimme that GD beard!" B) The guy doesn't even remotely look like Santa Claus. This is especially surprising because Mouse Incorporated is usually so particular about casting. And C) I'd be willing to bet that there's been some inappropriate contact with children in this dude's past.

I was almost too scared to even take this picture. DAMN! These are the bad guys from Pinocchio and a few of the bad boys who went to Pleasureland or whatever with the bad guys to gamble, smoke, and tear shit up. The bad boys found out they were being tricked when they started turning into donkeys and were forced into slave labor. Is this really the kind of magical moment that needs to be recreated and trotted down Main Street USA? I don't think so. Hurry, before they see us!

It is so hard for me to make jokes or innuendos of the blue variety when talking about Mouse World, but really. Come on ... And they just HAD to add the buckets on either side, didn't they.

And finally, the scariest sight of all:

It seems that Regis and Kelly were at Mouse World to tape their Christmas show, and they brought along some "stars." So, yes, that is Michael Bolton. And the scariest thing about this picture is that I almost find him attractive since he lost the mullet. That is, until he opens his mouth. I believe at this moment he was bastardizing "O Holy Night" or something like that.

6 comments:

Me said...

Hahahahahaha! I too have a "Scary Santa" picture. I was five (1974), and you can tell the guy had been smoking some righteous weed or something. His beard wasn't even on straight, had glassy eyes, the whole nine yards. Maybe I'll scan and post it on my blog tonight. Almost as scary is the fact that I'm wearing "Hee Haw" overalls- y'know, from that show. OMG, my family dressed me strangely.

And shame on you for posting a picture of the Antichrist himself, Michael Bolton. Helluva way to start my Monday. ;) My eyes are bleeding. Of course, I suppose your ears were bleeding once he opened his mouth.

Have a great day!
Eileen

Anonymous said...

Ohhhh maybe somebody miscast him, thinking they needed a Satan and not a Santa? S.c.a.r.y.

As for giant phallic "broomsticks..." were the broomsticks THAT imperative to the story (which story, I'm not sure) that they had to make big pseudo peepees for them?

La Turista said...

Eileen - I TOTALLY had the Hee Haw overalls, too, and I'm digging out a picture the next time I go home.

Madame Squirrel - The brooms are from The Sorcerer's Apprentice (Fantasia), and I swear they don't look that phallic in the movie. I couldn't even look my dad in the eye when those monsters came marching down the street. Eww.

Karla May said...

Yep. This confirms it. I'll never ever go to Disney World.

Anonymous said...

Oh totally awkward what with your father and giant, marching penises. Sorry 'bout that!

Hey-- did you want a holiday card from Jojo? Send you address if so. Thanks chicarita!

Please post soon so that scary ass Satan Claus doesn't startle me when I check your blog. Thanks.

Badger said...

Dude, I can't BELIEVE we missed Scary Santa and Michael Bolton! Other than that, this post was like a bad acid flashback. (The BROOMS! My GOD! And the float with all the villians on it? WTF?!)