Nice Try, Target

So, up to your old tricks, eh? When I breached your perimeter a mere 15 minutes after you opened this morning, I was, as always, armed with a LIST. A short LIST. Like I always have. Like you always try to DISTRACT me from. But today was different. Today, you brought out the big guns. You were playing for keeps. You were going for broke. You ... well, you know what you did, you dirty, dirty dog, you. You sent out some sort of homing signal, drawing me in today, first thing this morning, on the very day that the GD Wii Fit arrived in your store. The GD Wii Fit that was NOT on my LIST, even though I think it's cool, and I think it might be fun, and, I don't know, maybe I'd actually use it and, possibly, get in shape, and here they are, right here, just SITTING HERE, and the first 10 people I've seen in this store today have them in their baskets, and they look very pleased with themselves, so (holding one in my sweaty little hands), I don't know, 90 bucks, but it's RIGHT HERE, and I just read that article about it, and, and, and ... wait a minute. I see what's going on here. You muther effer. Using my low self esteem and gelatinous bits against me like that. Really, how can you sleep at night? Probably in a bed made of money in a house made of money in a kingdom made of money on a planet shaped like a bulls eye. Made of money.

Well, not today, my big red frenemy. I had a LIST, and finally finding the miracle cure for my chronic Bigassiness was NOT on it. So screw you, creepo. But big ups on all that cute Cynthia Rowley stuff. See ya next week.