I Have the Body of a Supermodel

Or so says Ms. Thang, who has "come under fire" for her recent weight gain. It seems that she and I are roughly the same height and weight, give or take (ahem), and she says she is healthy and happy and sexy, so there. Muffin top? Got it. Back fat? Of course. However, the beautiful face and HUGE (real) rack probably deflect attention from any alleged flaws, so I guess I'm SOL what with the crows' feet, age spots, and ninnies several letters smaller than hers. Me, jealous? Nah. In fact, I'm glad I didn't inherit the big boobs from my mom's family because the big booty I got from my dad's side is plenty to carry around, thank you. And on the plus side, I have relatively small feet (8-8.5) for a "big girl" - a term I say needs to be reserved for girls up until they are potty-trained, and after that, RETIRE that shit. Are you listening, America?! Anywho, no hard feelings Ms. Thang. Just gimme my own talk show or a rockin' weave, and we'll call it even.