Suck on this, Martha

As I've mentioned before, after battling my antiquated artificial tree for the LAST time last year, I decided that this year we would have a real tree AND we would make all the ornaments. So I sold that old bitch on Craig's List and looked forward to a year or two of doing things old school. And then I saw the cover of Family Circle at the grocery store and thought, "That's it! I can totally do that myself." Of course, I wasn't taking into account the fact that we were going to be gone 10 out of the 14 days before and after Thanksgiving, which is when I usually decorate. So ... several late LATE nights later, I finished the damn thing and will curse Family Circle and their crafty ways forever. However, since this is the first time in 5 years I haven't been working furiously up to - and usually on - Christmas for LawNerds, I had more time to fluff and fuss, which is kind of dangerous. And because I worked so hard, and I can't have all of y'all over for cocktails (although I would love to), I will now share the fruits of my labor: "Christmas Exploded Here, 2006."

First, the inspiration:

Upon further inspection, I realized this tree is probably like 3 feet tall, so my 8 foot tree needed a lot more crafty crap on it. A LOT. My thanks to the sons of bitches at Family Circle and their damn trick photography.

Now, the execution:

Props to T-Bone for sacrificing his fingertips while stringing the popcorn. And big ups to mijitas for painting such lovely ornaments while I very nearly caused permanent nerve damage from all the paper cutting I did.

Moving on, this snowy village makes me so happy, I just want to move right in. Of course, this being Austin, I'm sure these little cottages are totally out of my price range and need a lot of work on the inside. P.S. Feel free to genuflect, light a candle, and drop a little something in the offering basket upon entry to our casa.

Next, we have The Santa Posse. Thankfully, our completely uncoordinated, nosy cat has managed to maneuver her fat ass through these guys without taking anybody out, which is where she would go if she did.

In the kitchen, I literally can't see the forest for the trees. Yuk yuk.

Even the light fixtures aren't safe. And that's garland, by the by, not some hairy mold. Don't panic.

So, that's it. That's the tour. Or at least part of it anyway. Anywho, I'm sure we'll all be otherwise occupied these next few days, so we'll have to grab a cup of coffee and catch up after the insanity dies down. Wait, I hate coffee. OK, beers it is. Feliz Navidad, y'all! Peace!