There Oughta Be a Word For That

Remember Sniglets? Yeah, I said it. I remember them, and, back in the day, I may or may not have had one of those cube calendars with a new Sniglet for each day. And because I am a complete dork, I may or may not have tried to submit a few of my own to Rich Hall (but please don't confuse this with my obsession with Rich Little). Anywho, with your help dear readers, we can bring the Sniglet phenomenon into the 21st century. Sooo, what do you call:

• The french fries that fall out of the container and end up in the bottom of your fast food bag
• The ice cube(s) that you drop while filling up your glass from the freezer
• The diaper that you so know is going to be filled with poop and turns out to be wet with the lingering aroma of a righteous toot
• The diaper that you so know is going to be wet and turns out to be a near odorless, yet totally fierce, blow out
• The one shoe that you always see in the middle of the road

I've got a million more (okay, maybe seven), but let's start with these. You have until Monday. Carry on.

Project Peach

I've spoken before of Peach's fashion design talent and her near obsession with this, so I thought it was time to share a few pieces from her latest collection. It has a bit of an Asian influence, with a heavy emphasis on sports, and a little boho thrown in for good measure. You know, something for everyone. May I present Eastern Action Chic 2006:

Please note the detail on the necklace and the boots. Where this child got her hardcore concentration skills and extremely long attention span, I'll never know. Wait - what was I saying again?

Look, even Toni Basil gets worn out and has to take a swig from the old canteen now and again. Hey Mickey!

I don't exactly know where this little cutie is headed, but I'll bet she's a secret agent who can do some wicked martial arts. The lantern purse is actually filled with acid.
Even underwater, a girl's got to look her best.

Same with the tennis court. Or the street corner. Whichever.

And finally, one of Peach's first design attempts. I'm not sure if it's the random cherry pattern or what, but we agreed that the top had "construction issues."

So there's your sneak preview of the winner of Project Runway 2025. Just imagine these designs with jet packs.

Roses are red, and so am I. Man.

Your Aura is Red

You have a high level of emotion. This can mean passion, but it can also mean rage.Usually, you don't take these emotions out on others. You just use them as motivation - and it works! The purpose of your life: embracing all the wonders of the life, lots of travels, and tons of adventures Famous reds include: Madonna, Marilyn Monroe, Jennifer Lopez Careers for you to try: Dancer, Boxer, Surgeon

What Color Is Your Aura?

I am a cartoon character

And it's not just the voice. While working in the yard today, I actually stepped on the business end of a rake and hit myself square in the giant forehead. I just hope my neighbors weren't outside smoking at that particular moment ...

Oh - and can someone please explain this to me? Thanks.

In Praise of Groovy Granola Montessori School

Pardon me while I gush. T-Bone and I went to Parents' Night last night at GGMS, and if it's possible to be in love with a dead old lady I've never met, then I am. And so is everybody in any way affiliated with GGMS. The director and the teachers are so full of the love, they CRY every time they talk about it. So then I cry, natch. The kids are so full of the love, they RUN to the classrooms every day and ASK to do more work during their free time. And Peach is so full of the love her own little self, she is doing 3rd and 4th grade work, even though this is only the 3rd week of 1st grade. It works, y'all.

Every time I've been to a meeting at GGMS, I have been so impressed and inspired by the staff. Everything they say about Montessori education speaks right to me. Plus they are all so damn SMART. And committed. They don't turn it off when the kids leave each day. This is a way of life, yo, and I am such the believer that I have been hanging on by my fingernails for the past four years just trying to get Peach into this amazing place. And now she's there, and she's happy and thriving, and T-Bone and I are walking around with shit-eating grins on our faces, so proud of Peach we could explode.

So, thank you, Jeebus, thank you, universe, and thank you, Maria. Our girl is really on her way.

I meant what I said, and I said what I meant

Overheard while putting Peach to bed tonight, after reading Horton:

P: I am 100% exhausted from today.
LT: Well I am 100% in love with you.
(Pause)
P:(teary) It makes me so happy thinking about you and me. It makes me so happy, it makes me want to cry. Happy tears.

And then we gave each other Hallmark cards and went for a bike ride. Sweet, no?

Aim High, Girls

Used to be that Barbie was not only a fashion plate, she also was a doctor, an astronaut, a teacher - you know, a career girl. Lately, she's gone through a bit of a slutty phase, but now, I think it's official: Barbie has hit rock bottom. She is, quite literally, shoveling shit. Animal feces, to be exact. Barbie now has a pooping dog named Tanner, and her friend Teresa has a peeing cat named Mika, the potty training of which apparently brings great pleasure to all. But where's the yelling and the cussing and the rubbing the animal's face in it? That's what I remember. What a load of crap.

Because I'm the Perfect Mother

That's why I feel like I need a badge and the authority to ticket or imprison other "mothers" when I see them doing stupid things. Like today, for instance. While stopped at a light, I saw little chubby hands rising up from the back seat of the car in front of me, clutching and squeezing a huge balloon and clearly bringing said balloon down to a little mouth full of tiny sharp teeth, perfect for popping said balloon in said little mouth. "Mama" was too busy eating up front to notice that her child was thisclose to landing her on CPS's shit list.

But at least she had the child strapped into his carseat for his possible journey to The Hereafter. Which is more than I can say for the woman I saw driving with her toddler in her lap, with his head hanging out the window, while she drove her stick-shift piece of crap with her other hand. The one with the fucking CAST on it.

I'm So Not Lovin' It

Props to the gal at the Vegan Lunch Box for the link.

Some Culture on a Sunday

I lifted this meme-ish idea from my alumni magazine. That Life Membership is good for something after all.

10* cultural works that have influenced my life:

1. Sesame Street
2. To Kill a Mockingbird (book and movie)
3. St. Peter's Basilica and The Vatican Museum
4. Love Me Tender (song)
5. Folk Art of the Aguilar sisters
6. Architecture of Antoni Gaudi
7. The Carol Burnett Show
8. Saturday Night Live
9. Plaza Suite (play)
10. Gone With the Wind (movie)

Don't I make so much sense now? Feel free to lift. The Eyes of Texas will look the other way.

* of the bajillion. I'm so friggin' cultured, I could be yogurt, yo.

I'd like some fried fry with a side of fry. With cheese. And some ranch dressing.

As if this ridiculous offering from KFC wasn't enough to kill America, now TGIF has entered the fray with these. Because, ya know, there's not enough fried shit out there to clog our collective arteries, and, come on, you can never eat too much cheese. I so wish this was a joke. Good Lord.

A Six-Year-Old's Moral Dilemma

Just when I thought I had nothing to write about today, I found this in a costume catalog Peach was doodling in:

The "good" hand is a little higher than the "bad," right? RIGHT?!

This Made My Day. I Think.

You Should Weigh 160

If you weigh less than this, you either have a fast metabolism or are about to gain weight.If you weigh more than this, you may be losing a few pounds soon!

How Much Do You Weigh?

After another weekend away, I'm bloated, bedraggled, and nearly braindead, so this here's all I got for tonight. Plus, I left Friday afternoon on very bad terms with Blogger because she would not bring up my blog all day, and I'm still not ready to forgive her. The bitch.