The Old Man is Snoring

And I ain’t just talking about the raining and the pouring that we’re finally getting today.

T-Bone, God love him, snores. Not like a rattle-the-house snore, just your typical sawing logs snore. If you happen to be using a chainsaw on said logs. Usually it happens when he’s sleeping on his back, so if it wakes me up, I just tell him to roll over on his side, he does, and it stops. Usually. Last night, however, it woke me up, I told him to roll over, he did, and it didn’t stop. So then I told him to roll over again, he did, and it still didn’t stop. I didn’t want to totally wake him up with all the orders and the nudging (okay, pushing), but after 15 minutes or so, I was wide awake. At 3:15.

So, I got up to get a drink, went to the bathroom, walked around a minute, and even thought about reading, but then thought better about that, what with the bright light it would require, thus guaranteeing I would never go back to sleep. And I LOVE to sleep, y’all. I could drop down and give you 20 Zs at just about any moment of the day. Not that I’m a walking zombie, perpetually exhausted. It’s just that if I quiet myself for a few minutes, I can drift off like nobody’s business.

Some of the best sleep I’ve ever gotten was in the library during law school (probably in a few contracts classes, too, for that matter). I could put my head down for just 15 minutes and feel like a million bucks after that. Also, when T-Bone and I were in summer school in Austria, I could hop on a train and be out in matter of seconds. Even on trains full of drunkass soccer fans on their way to Munich. The sleeping was that good.

I used to sleep so soundly that one time, my mom locked herself out of the house, and she banged on the window right next to the couch where I was sleeping, and I never heard a thing. Not even when she had the neighbor break the window so she could get in and retrieve my crying toddler brother, which also did not wake me up. I used to fall asleep walking upstairs, sitting upright at the dinner table, and once, even at a horse auction. I just bent over in my chair, put my head in my lap, and zonked out, right in the middle of the ring. All of which probably explains why I’m such a GD giant - the good sleeping - because did you know that you grow during REM sleep? I didn’t either until a friend of mine had her son’s tonsils taken out when he was three because his snoring and sleep apnea was so bad, and that little dude shot up over four inches in a matter of two months. The doctor said it was because he was finally getting good, uninterrupted REM sleep. That Michael Stipe is a damn genius.

I ended up bedding down on the couch, listening to the beginnings of a lovely, much-needed, rain. Which, as you know, is great sleeping weather. If only it hadn't been 5:30, and I didn't have to get up at 6:15.