Call Me Gladys

Yes, as in Kravitz. Fine. At this point, I couldn't give a shit. Speaking of, neighbor dude, could you keep your friggin' dog from doing that in my yard? Three times a day? It gets a bit ripe out there in the sun, and God forbid, YOU should ever have to pick it up. Which is why you walk the little fucker past my house everyday. Three times a day. No way is all that pee and poop gonna wreck YOUR plants and grass, nuh-uh. And since you NEVER have him on a leash - a violation of HOA Covenant 5.3(a)(1), I might add - he gets free reign over the whole yard, not just the bushes he's repeatedly marked and trampled by the sidewalk. Not cool, dude. And don't deny it, because I've totally seen you and your bastard mutt just about everyday since we moved in almost two years ago. Three times a day. One question, though: How can you EAT while watching your dog crap in my yard? Are you really that busy that the only time you can have your three squares a day is when your dog is letting loose his bowels and bladder on other people's property? Right in front of you? That's messed up, man.

And to the White Trash Family down the street that finally sold their house, I say, good riddance. And I use the term "White Trash Family" because, clearly, you fully embody and proudly embrace it. Now that you're leaving, gone are the throwdown For Sale signs on every vehicle, trailer, and boat broken down in your driveway or blocking the entire street, and no more are the unauthorized garage sales/drag races you threw together at the end of nearly every month - violations of HOA Covenants 6.1, 6.2, 6.3, and 8.0, as well as City of Austin Ordinance 528(B)(1)(a)-(c), by the by. But thanks for the parting gift of two permanent holes burned into my sidewalk and driveway from when your dumbass kid was tossing M-80s around on the Fourth of July (in violation of a county Burn Ban, as well as commonfuckingsense). The same dumbass kid I gave $10 to when he was Jumping for Jesus or the Heart Association or whatever the hell he was collecting for when he clearly was in no shape to be doing anything other than tearing around the neighborhood on his mini motorcycle. Good times.